I rolled a 1

I rolled a 1.

Easy enough to do. In Dungeons & Dragons Fifth Edition, the Gamemaster occasionally calls for a skill or attribute roll when you are doing something. In this case, I was making coffee, like I do several times a day.

Except that I hooked my pinkie on the cup as I went to set the milk down. And turned the mug over. And snapped it into a perfect twist, dumping coffee all over the counter and the floor, but somehow not down my front. (Anyone who has ever eaten with me is surprised, because I tend to wear my food.)

Utter, freaking mess. Several towels. Bunch of paper towels. Clean it all up with a sponge after getting the mess cleaned up.

I had just gotten home from several hours of Tai Chi, so I was a little tired and needed the coffee. Still needed it, but Fabulous Publisher Babe™ needed to go to Home Depot to pick up two more orders that had come in. (Lights and counter top.) So I asked her to hit a drive through to get me coffee.

Because I needed coffee. Like, badly.

Got it. An hour later, I am more tired that I was. Might take a nap.

Why is this important?

Because any gamer will tell you that a 2% chance of failure comes up a lot more than people expect. Rolling a 1 is on a twenty-sided dice (d20) so it represents a 5% chance. The other day, I had one of my players roll with Advantage, because is was something he was supposed to be good at.

That’s where you roll the dice twice (or two dice) and take the better result.

He rolled double 1’s. I made some bad shit happen that I hadn’t planned, because obviously it was his day to spill coffee all over the fucking place.

This is the age of pandemic. There is a vaccine available that appears to be extremely effective. We know this because there is a whole control group of idiots who refuse to get the vaccine (it is free pretty much anywhere in the US these days), and they are dying. In fact, this new variant, called Delta, is much nastier than last year’s version. Intensive Care Units (ICU) are overloaded to the point that emergency rooms have to turn away simple shit like broken arms, or leave folks in the hall for hours while dealing with fuck-ups who wouldn’t get a shot, and are now possibly dying from a preventable disease they refused to believe in.

It is possible to roll a 1. Breakthrough infections are possible. I could get delta. According to rumor, it would end up being a reasonable flu because I got fully vaccinated as soon as I could (the last person in a close group of eight friends, including one in the Army, one with open heart surgery last year, and a fireman, plus wives.)

I don’t want it. I don’t want to accidentally kill someone else who might have a compromised immune system. I have friends who can’t get the vaccine for medical reasons. (Real medical reasons, not your youtube bullshit.)

As the latest surge gets worse, I am going back to feral. Doctor wants me to see an allergist. And because I’m over fifty, get a colonoscopy.

Don’t wanna. That would involve going to the hospital, at a time when that’s going to be a place filled with idiots who refused to take care of themselves or anyone else. I will wait until fall or winter or maybe even spring.

After this surge of political stupidity is done. Assuming it is.

I do my tai chi with a full mask that I made out of drapery fabric. I have to hold it under running water for about 10-15 seconds before it actually gets wet. Solid. A bit to chew on when breathing heavy, but I don’t want your germs.

Ask any gamer. You can always roll a 1.

1 thought on “I rolled a 1

  1. Caroline Wolfram

    Man, I know the odds but 1’s ALWAYS seem to happen note than 20’s…maybe they just hurt more and are more memorable?

    Keep wearing that mask, social distancing and washing hands…that last one should have been learned prior to the age of three, like cover your cough and say please and thank you! But maybe I’m expecting too much? Hand washing lessons at work, posters on how to wash your hands,& when to wash your hands and still have confusion? Jeeze! My toddlers had this down 20 years ago!

    Don’t get too excited about booster shots unless you are elderly, imunnocompromised or wealthy (apparently). Vaccination – full vaccination – still is extremely effective at preventing serious disease and reasonable social distancing (compete isolation not necessary!!) and mask wearing is reasonably effective at decreasing the spread of disease between random individuals. Close contacts will get whatever comes into the house. I don’t even need the data to prove it…I know it, because we all have been wearing masks at work for 1 1/2 years while working in fairly close quarters and no missed work due to flu or the common cold. None in a year and a half! And I work in a pharmacy with random goofballs coming up to me everyday wearing their masks wrong and violating the six foot rule on a regular basis! That’s an outcome for you. Masking works. And I am an asmatic, but still wear a mask 8 hrs plus daily…you all can wear one for 30 minutes while you are in the store. Suck it up!

    Regarding boosters: will probably be necessary like the yearly flu shots eventually…and PLEASE continue to get those flu shots for heavens sake. But first, let’s get EVERYONE vaccinated who can be…especially throughout the rest of the world…or we will continue to have variants pop up…gamma, psi, lamda, omega…on and on. We have way too many walking petri dishes here and around the world to expect anything less.

    Stepping off the soap box now…🤓

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