Hard Reset

August has kind of sucked. Not terrible, but just a drag on all aspects. First we got the house restained inside and out at the end of July, which was lovely, but required me to tear the house apart so the guy could get to all the walls and ceiling. Still not back to normal. Not sure when I will be.

He finished up on a Tuesday having spent most of a week. That Wednesday I started tearing part of the roof off the barn to replace where it had rotted. Hotter than usual, so we worked first thing in the morning until it got hot. Got some writing done in the afternoon/evening, but I was usually just exhausted so I maybe would get a thousand words or so. Took Saturday and Sunday off, but those were both just recovery days because I had no spoons left, after tearing out the old deck, replacing several ribs and the full run of horizontals, and then re-decking.

Monday/Tuesday were spent reshingling the new roof, with Tuesday being the first rain in a month while we’re on the roof working. Wednesday was a recovery day. Thursday we drove to Portland from Seattle and helped my cousin move stuff out of the new house and into a storage unit, after she had messed up her back. We drove back Thursday after a late lunch. Friday and Saturday I was social.

This last Sunday I had a pajamas day. Those are the days I don’t put on anything except my pjs and don’t leave the house. Managed 7500 words to finish off a novel. That was good. Had some bad things happen in the afternoon, and I just kind of all just boiled over.

Monday, I got up intent on writing a new short story in one of my existing universes, and needed to edit the previous story in it. Got the editing done and had no words. None. Not even a glimmer.

Took the rest of the day sideways. Went for a long drive with the music up and the phone set to airplane mode so nobody would text me and use up my last spoon or get on my last nerve.

Did work out an entire new universe I want to write in and planned some stories. The next three issues of Boundary Shock Quarterly that I’m working into (14-16) were Space Marines, Cargo Wars, and Wandering Monsters. Writer brain looked at those and framed a setting, an arc, and I came up with a character to put into all of them sequentially. (Later, it laid out for me a multi-novel space marine arc to write. Go me?)

Tuesday I actually wrote. 4000 words for the first time in more than two weeks. Today (Wednesday) I wrote 5000 to finish that story off. Tomorrow, I plan to start the next one. Friday I am social again, so might not get many words done in the morning and will circle back in the afternoon. Same with Sunday.

For a guy that thrives on averaging 4000 words per day over incredibly long stretches, I am more than 13,000 words off my accustomed pace. Until this today, I wasn’t sure I would hit my usual 100,000 words for the month. Just above 90k right now, after generating 16,500 just since Sunday morning.

Last year, I had a stretch about the same time, but for different reasons. This year I am just emotionally exhausted, and that’s taken a physical toll. Some of you have seen my other blog posts to see how far out of true I’ve gotten. Hip and lower back are hurting today. Again, physical response to emotional.

I can say definitively that I have made changes. Will continue to make them. Have cauterized a number of people out of my existence this summer who were too negative or offensive. Done dealing with that. And those people. Forever.

Have had too many drama queens who thought that I gave a shit because I hadn’t just jumped in with both feet to just destroy them. Have come close with a few of them, just because I’d be doing the world a favor to shatter a couple of those people into jagged, little bits of pain that I didn’t have to ever deal with again.

Might, yet. Folks have forgotten to be nice to one another, and I’m largely tired of their drama. The difference in 2020 is that I’ll just write you off and never talk to you again.

Keep that in mind when you are an asshole to people who didn’t deserve it. Like me.

Oh, and keep that shit away from me because I won’t lose any sleep if I destroy your entire psyche, one of these days. Doing the universe a favor.